Hey up.

I hope yer can read this on yer little lectronic thingy. I’m not keen on ’em meself cos yer can’t do much else useful with ’em. I’d rather hev a newspaper to read stuff from. Mind, them’s that small nowadays and I like the big ’uns, ’specially the weeklies.

The big old weeklies was better for floors. Yer could cover all the way across the scullery lino from the slop bucket to the sack of layers’ mash with a couple of pages from the old weeklies. Yer can’t get half-way with little papers and them’s not so absorbent neither and yer’d do for yer little lectronic thingy if yer put that on the floor.

Anyway, Webmistress come round and say to hev a go at writin’ a message and I writ a lot of good stuff out for her with tha’ green biro I found in the gravel outside the Bull the Tuesday afore Easter. Tha’d been run over by the dray but tha’ still writ quite clear if yer pressed hard.

I showed her me stuff and tha’ didn’t please her. She take one look at me green biro stuff and say I’d ha’ to get it typed up. I tells her no trouble, I got five typewriters in me office shed including the Remington what’s good for z’s and Q’s and the Imperial with the brackets but she say there weren’t so much call for brackets these days (like she know) and weren’t there someone with a proper typewriter so I tells her I’d see Miss Edwards about it.

Miss Edwards say she’d be delighted and it’s her what’s typin’ this stuff up for me and puttin’ me spelling right most of the time. Afore she start I run a bit of Three-In-One over her Olivetti with a feather I got off a pheasant what didn’t quite make it across the A10. Me Gran said there weren’t enough left to feed the two of us so tha’s lucky his feather come in handy else he’d’ve died in vain.

Anyway, I hope yer can read tha’ all right and hev a good time lookin’ round me website and don’t forget to call in at Dennis’s Shop and buy suffun afore yer go. There’s books, recordin’s, cards and a map of Grunty Fen and stuff like tha’. Keep comin’ back to hev another look round cos me stock’ll be expandin’ all the time.

If yer want Webmistress to let yer know when there’s new stuff in me shop or when Mr South is doin’ what he call a ‘personal appearance’, she say y’ll have to ‘email’ Miss Edwards and let her know:

dennis@dennisofgruntyfen.co.uk

Tha’s all in ya loif,

Dennis of Grunty Fen

(as typed up by Miss Edwards on her Olivetti and sent to Webmistress for puttin’ on the lectronics.)