Best of Dennis Vol 5

A message from Mr South:

Do you remember the time when Dennis met a slimy woman at a supermarket?

Or when he joined the Army? Or how he lost his tortoise and wandered into a kinky hadnabinfer?

Do you know the terrible truth about school dinners?

Can you paint a budgie cage through the bars?

This is the first collection drawn from our broadcasts in 1990/91. So great are the recorded riches from that period that we have had to make two selections. This volume barely scratches the surface.

Christopher South


This compilation features a wide variety of subjects involving mince, custard and gravy, army life, tortoises, the mysterious spirituality of the hadnabinfers, strange offerings in supermarkets, Gran's bloomers, budgie cages and the light harvest festival.

Mysterious Mince Explained
What’s Dennis been using Gran’s Spong for? How do you make a mince volcano pyramid? Why would Dennis suck a hairslide? Dennis reminisces about school dinners, helps Sally Field thaw out and gets some unanimous Valentine’s cards.

Army Life
Dennis had been preparing for a long time to be a soldier, but when it came to National Service, his army life wasn’t as long as everybody else’s. He’s got Fen feet and Fen eyes, but would they be a hindrance? And what did he take with him that the army wasn’t expecting?

The Lost Tortoise and the Hadnabinfer
What’s the best way to eat an éclair? What’s that got to do with a missing tortoise? Why does Dennis go to the mobile library? Who’s Sergeant Smart? Why did he get the sack? And how did Dennis get caught in a hadnabinfer with a kink?

A Visit to the Supermarket
What happens when Gran goes to the supermarket? Why does she want a shower cap? How did Dennis try to fix a squeak? How does Miss Edwards arrange her stock? Who’s the slimy woman? And how did Dennis disguise himself to fool her?

Painting a Budgie Cage
Renee from The Bull offers Gran a budgie – but there’s no cage for it. Dennis comes to the rescue, but has problems with paint and sand – and getting the bird into the cage. Why does Gran say the bird gives her rheumatism in her knees?

The Light Harvest Festival
Why haven’t the Strict Sabbatarian Fundamentalists had a harvest festival since 1962? Why are they round-shouldered? Who was Evil Tiplady? What have faggots got to do with anything? Why shouldn’t you stray from the path? And how can you stop your hassocks straying?



Running time: About 78 minutes worth.

NOTE: This is the full album, available as a CD or as a download.